Hai...
It's being a while I'm not writing in this blog and I kind felt guilty for that...so I decide to write what I feel right now coz it freaking me out....
This five month is really get into my nerve and coz me a lot of stress. you see this stress start in May when suddenly my dad got heart attack on Sunday morning. Luckily, my mom act fast to bring him to the nearest hospital before he was transfer by ambulance to General hospital. That time, I have to stay at home and wait for my sister and my mom who also follow the ambulance. Then, my uncle come and pick me up to go to the hospital. To tell the truth, I'm not feel comfortable being with other people even that person is my relative but that not time to worry about what I feel coz I really worry about my dad. I won't said that I'm worry to other people coz I hate to be look so weak and I hate when they show the sympathy....
My dad were put into emergency room when I come to GH. I really scared to go there but I need to know about my dad condition so I go there and ask nurse about my dad and they said the doctors are right now with my dad and I were allow to see him from far. I feel glad to see my dad is fighting for his life but somehow I still worry so much so I go seat at chair that is behind the emergency room...that is not good idea. Doctor come to me and my family where he explain that my dad is in worst condition and he ask us to be prepare for anything. That time, I can't even look at the doctor coz I can feel my tear is coming out and hear what doctor said make me sad and anger to him. Coz, I think he as the doctor should not say something like that and the way it sound like it crushing every hope I hope for my dad.
After that, I start crying and I can't stop my tear until my aunty persuade me to stop crying for my mom. She said that right now my mom need me since my sister also start crying so her last hope is within me to be pillar for my mother to keep strong. I force my tear to stop and try to calm my sister and when I manage do it, suddenly I hear behind the chair I seat the doctor and nurse are calling my dad name. I panic and I can see my sister face turn pale coz we know something not very good is happening to our dad. So, I pull my sister away from there and bring her to seat at far away from that room.
Then, I go to meet my mom to see how she doing. When her eyes meeting my eyes I can see that she has almost dry tear but she look calm. Suddenly, I can't hold back any more and I start crying in front of my mom. I really worry and scared when thinking about losing my dad coz I maybe look like not care or dislike him but reality is I care and love him so much and losing him is something I can take it well. My mom hug me and persuade me to stop crying coz right now she need me to be strong for her since right now my brother is not in country. Speaking about my brother, he got transfer to south Africa on April and will be there for 3 to 4 year. I admit, that time I cursing him a little in my heart for not be there since he is the only man in the house after my dad and we need him very much that time but mom don't want him know about our dad condition. my family and I pray to God inside my heart to save my dad for any bad thing and He hear our pray when doctor come and said that my dad has past the critical condition but still need to be put under observation.
For 4 days, we stay at hospital and only going home to shower and come back there.We have to wait outside chair near the observation room since it is room for patient like my dad. First day, my dad wake up but he weak, second day he start try to talk a bit, third day he start getting improved but on forth night something happen, you see on the third day there is someone die and you know hospital also can be quite scary at night. So that night, my dad has be disturb by something and that time my family and I going home for first time to get some sleep after make sure he is fine. Nurse call us in 3 in the morning and we rush there to see what happen, doctor tell us that my dad go out from room and were stop by nurse before he suddenly turn to violent and almost punch nurse in face. 15 police support were needed to stop him and put him in bed but the doctor still worry so they call us.
That time my aunty also were there with her two sons, we all were allow to stay inside the room since the nurse and doctor so scared to come near my dad and they stay behind us get ready to give him medicine. We pray and keep pray to calm my dad and my mom try persuade my dad to try remember us and stop being like that but he don't want to. My mom almost get angry to calm him down, so my sister and me decide to try to talk with him and we hold his hand to stop any of his attempt even though I start to cry. It's work out, my dad start calm down and ask us why he is here, we said to him that he is sick. Then doctor start coming forward and say that our dad need to send to do MRI to see if there any bleeding in head.
We followed him and never let go of his hand for the whole walk to MRI room, when he was inside the room we not go there but we wait outside in front of the door. After the scan done and the door open, I can hear my dad voice asking for us and the doctor when she see us tell him that we a here and point her finger to us. He were send to observation room back and we wait for him for almost 6 hours in that room meanwhile my aunty going home. For the time my sister were standing beside him and I seating by chair at another side wait for him, he has make almost 20 time attempts but we manage to stop him and when he keep repeating asking where is that place and why he is here, we calmly answering all his question with same answer.
My mom were seating at the floor only looking at us (I have foots problem which I can't stand too long and if I stand too long my foots will swelling plus it will hurt like hell so my mom give me chair) and at same time keep praying. In 7 or 8 in the morning, my dad start become himself back and ask us what we doing here in early. We realize that he not remember anything about that night and doctor come back with MRI scan result which show there is no bleeding and he now can transfer to treatment room and stay there for 3 days.
In treatment room, dad getting a lot better and start recovering back still there is someone who in pain which is me coz both my legs is swelling like balloon and I start having problem to walk. My dad stay at hospital for that three days but with my mom and my sister accompany him. For me, I also stay for first and second day but since my legs is getting worst on third days I can't come with them and wait for them in house since my dad is coming home that day.
Even though five months has past still dad need to go medical check up while we try to make sure my dad is fine and hope there will not be second heart attack coz the doctor said the second attack is really dangerous and will coz a live.....sigh....but since when did my dad listen to what we said and since he get heart attack he's change so stubborn old man...this coz fight between me and him....I just want he realize that I care and love him so much, there is no other can be my dad except him but it will be long way before he can understand that...I guess.
I think I'm going to stop writing for know coz it show 5.10 am in here and I need to finish my job so I can sleep....well...actually to make sure I'm not getting yell from my dad....so.....bye?
see you next time!!!
